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  1. 当前位置: 主页 > 经典语录 > 100句简短幽默的经典语录

    100句简短幽默的经典语录

    时间:2019-01-07 21:14 来源:语录大全 点击:

    1、不怕虎一样的敌人,就怕猪一样的队友。


    2、走自己的路,让别人打车去吧。


    3、老鼠扛刀,满街找猫。


    4、只要功夫深,拉屎也认真。


    5、夏天就是不好,穷的时候我连西北风都没得喝……


    6、中国人谁跑的最快?是曹操(非刘翔)。因为说曹操曹操到。


    7、思想有多远,你就给我滚多远。


    8、只有在火车站大排长龙时,才能真正意识到自己是“龙的传人”。


    9、有情人终成家属。


    10、春天来了,一群大雁正向北飞,一会儿排成B字型,一会儿排成T字型。


    11、在哪里跌倒吗,就在哪里躺下。


    12、出问题先从自己身上找原因,别一便秘就怪地球没引力。


    13、驴是的念来过倒。


    14、吃自助最高境界:扶墙进,扶墙出。


    15、虽然我长的不是很帅,但小时候也有人夸我左边鼻孔很偶像派。


    16、没有钱,没有权,再不对你好点,你能跟我?


    17、拿份报纸上厕所,俺是读书人。


    18、女人一定要对自己好一点。一旦累死了,就会有别的女人花你的钱,住你的房,睡你的老公,打你的娃!


    19、你的丑和你的脸没有关系……


    20、爷爷都是从孙子走过来的……


    21、老天,你让夏天和冬天同居了吗?!生出这种鬼天气!


    22、鸟大了什么林子都有!


    23、不怕虎一样的敌人,就怕猪一样的队友。


    24、我拼命奔跑,却甩不开紧紧跟随的伤悲……


    25、人类是狗最好的伙伴。


    26、找不到我喜欢的伞,我宁愿淋湿。


    27、你飞翔的越高,在不能飞的人的眼中就显得越渺小。


    28、第一最好不相见,如此便可不相恋,第二最好不相知,如此便可不相思。


    29、不做无聊之事,难度有生之涯。


    30、扛一面顶风的大旗,上写两个大字:好人!!


    31、有些事情本身我们无法控制,只好控制自己。


    32、宁愿骄傲的孤单,也不委屈的喜欢。


    33、猫步走向社会!


    34、兄弟从前的情感生活,那也是颇为凌乱的。


    35、我花8万买了个西周陶罐,昨儿到《鉴宝》栏目进行鉴定,专家严肃地说:“这哪是西周的?这是上周的!”


    36、鱼说:“我时时刻刻把眼睁开是为了在你身边不舍离开。”水说:“我终日流淌不知疲倦是为了围绕你,好好把你抱紧。”锅说:“都他妈快熟了还这么多废话。”


    37、唐僧西行遇一女妖,观其乳丰臀肥,故欲行房事,女妖见状惊呼:长老!小女月经在身恐有行房不便!唐僧听罢双手合一道:阿弥陀佛,贫僧正为取经而来!


    38、静坐常思己过,闲谈莫论人非,能受苦乃为志士,肯吃亏不是痴人,敬君子方显有德,怕小人不算无能。


    39、有多少爱可以胡来!!


    40、始终没有沦为一个优秀的大学生,靠的就是坚强的品质!


    41、监狱不倒,我不学好!


    42、我要让全世界知道我很低调!


    43、痴情的男人像谁不好非像我!


    44、我和疯子的区别在于我没有疯!


    45、有笔有梦有肝胆,亦狂亦使亦温文。


    46、年轻只有一次,青春不能重来。所以要百无禁忌、潇洒颠覆全世界——搞怪要彻底,破坏要有力,闯祸走专利,装乖走绝技,整人靠天份,被整看缘分。


    47、卸无可卸的包袱,退无可退的道路,忍无可忍的眼泪,追无可追的前途。


    48、如果我在醒来前死去,我祈求上帝带走我的灵魂……


    49、当蜘蛛网无情地查封了我的炉台,当灰烬的余烟叹息着贫困的悲哀,我依然固执地铺平失望的灰烬,用美丽的雪花写下:相信未来。


    50、也许经过人生激烈的搏斗后,我死得比那湖水还要平静。那请去墓地寻找的我的碑文,上面仍刻着:热爱生命。


    51、燃起的香烟中飘出过未来的幻梦,蓝色的云雾是挣扎过希望的黎明。而如今这烟缕却成了我心中的愁绪,汇成了低沉的含雨未落的云层。


    52、还是干脆忘掉她吧,乞丐寻不到人间的温存,我清楚地看到未来,漂泊才是命运的女神。


    53、人群中若你也有情意,请用眉目传递!


    54、同时绽放在夜空里的花火,看得到彼此美丽的时刻,我却无法照亮你的一生……


    55、装逼的男人最容易被感动,因为他们连感动都是装的。


    56、人要是无聊啊鼻涕泡都能拿来玩会。


    57、见到我以后你会突然发现原来帅,也可以这样具体呀!


    58、参加选美的那些女人,都找不到好男人,因为好男人都结婚了,比如我。


    59、如果领导下个月再不给我加薪,我就辞职,辞职前再给他送两条中华,抽死他。


    60、如果猪都会飞了,谁还买飞机?骑着猪上天不就行了。


    61、我的领带又找不到了,是不是你昨天又没有找到抹布?


    62、在埃及,一个男人可以娶四个老婆,那得多累啊,还是中国好。


    63、你还是让我跪搓板吧,跪电暖气是在受不了啊!


    64、我就算是一只癞蛤蟆,我也决不娶母癞蛤蟆。


    65、生活有时就像被太监强奸一样--反抗是痛苦,不反抗还是痛苦!


    66、别惹我,否则我会让你死得很有节奏感。


    67、不是每句对不起,都能换来没关系。


    68、如果我做了皇帝,就封你当太子!


    69、获致幸福的不二法门是珍视你所拥有的、遗忘你所没有的。


    70、舌头比牙齿更长寿,软件比硬件更长久。


    71、保护自己,爱护他人,请不要半夜出来吓人。


    72、鲜花往往不属于赏花的人,而属于牛粪。


    73、世界上难以自拔的,除了牙齿,还有爱情。


    74、08年8月8号结婚是个不错的主意。


    75、躺在床上看电视不如在看电视时上床。


    76、给我一个支点,我把邻居那小子的汽车翘到沟里去,省得他见我就按喇叭。


    77、下辈子我还找你,因为除了我,你是最傻的。


    78、长个包子样就别怨狗跟着!


    79、如果说美貌是推荐信,那么善良就是信用卡!


    80、舌头比牙齿更长寿,软件比硬件更加长久。


    81、玩感情?我会让你哭的很有节奏。


    82、听见某个名字,想起某些事情,这个城市安静的让人心颤。


    83、如果说美貌是推荐信,那么善良就是信用卡!


    84、逆风的方向,更适合翱翔我不怕万人阻挡,只怕自己投降。


    85、人的一生就象在拉屎,有时你已经很努力了可出来的只是一个屁。


    86、和人接触的时间越长,我就越喜欢狗,狗永远是狗,人有时候不是人!


    87、婚姻就像迷宫,盖婚姻的人自己就已经先迷路了。


    88、开车无难事,只怕有新人。


    89、本无意与众不同,怎奈何品味出众。


    90、彪悍的人生不需要解释。


    91、是金子总要发光的,但当满地都是金子的时候,我自己也不知道自己是哪颗了。


    92、踏遍青楼人未老,请用汇仁肾宝。


    93、爷爷都是从孙子走过来的。  摘自:语录   www.jia6jia.com


    94、猪有猪的思想,人有人的思想。如果猪有人的思想,那它就不是猪了--是八戒。


    95、买了电脑不上宽带,就好比酒肉都准备好了却在吃饭前当了和尚。


    96、天上掉钞票我不会弯腰,因为天上连馅饼都不会掉,更别说掉钞票了。


    97、你给我买10条烟总比我去一次夜总会划算吧。


    98、其实我是一个天才,只可惜天妒英才!


    99、偶尔幽生活一默你会觉得很爽,但生活幽你一默就惨了。


    100、争吵的时候,男人和女人的区别像是步枪和机关枪的区别。


    文章标题:100句简短幽默的经典语录

    文章地址:http://www.jia6jia.com/jingdianyulu/176.html 版权所有,转载请注明出处。


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