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  1. 当前位置: 主页 > 经典语录 > 100句恶搞幽默的经典语录

    100句恶搞幽默的经典语录

    时间:2019-01-07 21:14 来源:语录大全 点击:

    1、面对我前面的人群,我得穿过而且潇洒,我知道你在旁边上看着,挺假……


    2、问世间情为何物,佛曰:废物!


    3、天若有情天亦老,人若有情死得早!


    4、孩子死了,你来奶了!


    5、现在的导师都不叫导师,也不叫老板,叫科研包工头!


    6、我荒废了时间,时间便把我荒废了……


    7、如果有一天我变成流氓,请告诉别人,我纯真过……


    8、孔雀拼命开屏,却露出屁眼!


    9、我极力收拢自己,一如我攥紧的石头,是为了将它扔地更远!


    10、我想一只趴在玻璃上的苍蝇,前途一片光明,而我却找不着出路……


    11、鸟大了,什么林子都有!


    12、学士上面是硕士,硕士上面是博士,博士上面是博士后,博士后上面呢?如果你够勇敢再读两年是勇士,再读五年是壮士,再读七年是烈士,烈士以后呢?国家会推出圣斗士,读满两年是青铜的,5年是白银的,7年是黄金的。


    13、我是你的风筝,线在你手上,可陪伴我的只有风……


    14、祖国尚未统一,没有心情复习……


    15、复习=不挂科,不复习=挂科,所以,复习+不复习=不挂科+挂科,提公因式、(1+不)复习=(不+1)挂科,约分,所以,复习=挂科 。我靠,真理诞生了……


    16、快期末了,大家一起跟我唱:“我家住在黄土高坡,大风从坡上刮过,不管是李宇春还是曾轶可,都是我滴哥我滴哥 ……我家住在黄土高坡,日头从坡上走过,不管是拜春哥,还是拜曾哥,保佑我及格,不挂科!”!


    17、夏天就是不好,穷的时候我连西北风都没得喝……


    18、新世纪女性:上得了厅堂,下得了厨房,写得了代码,查得出异常,杀得了木马,翻得了围墙,开得起好车,买得起新房,斗得过二奶,打得过流氓……


    19、新世纪男性:睡得了地板,住得了走廊,跪得起主板,补得了衣裳,吃得下剩饭,付得起药方,带得了孩子,养得起姑娘,耐得住寂寞,争做灰太狼……


    20、有这样一个人,你给他短信,他会马上回你。无论白天还是深夜。有这样一个人,你问他,他会听你说,你不想理他了,他也不会再发短信烦你。他,是10086。


    21、就算是Believe中间还是有个lie,就算是Friend最后还是免不了end,就算是Lover最后还是会over,就算是Forget也得先get才行,就算有Wife心里也夹杂着if……


    22、又帅又有车的,那是象棋;有钱又有房的,那是银行;有责任心又有正义感的,那是奥特曼;又帅又有车、有钱又有房、有责任心又有正义感的是在银行里面下象棋的奥特曼。


    23、企鹅GG和企鹅MM去约会,企鹅MM还没有到约会的地点,企鹅GG就一直在左看看,右看看…左看看,右看看…左看看,右看看…… 企鹅MM来了后看见企鹅GG这个样子,怒了! 一巴掌呼了过去骂道:“你以为你TMD在登陆QQ啊!”


    24、我像草一样,不能自拔……


    25、后轮爱上前轮,却知道永远不能和她在一起,于是他吻遍了她滚过的每一寸土地。


    26、鲜花往往不属于赏花的人,而属于牛粪。


    27、你快回来,我一人忽悠不来!


    28、一恐龙路过西安交大时上了趟厕所,出来后她呜咽道:“555,这辈子终于不愁嫁不出去了……”


    29、生,容易。活,容易。生活,不容易。


    30、出问题先从自己身上找原因,别一便秘就怪地球没引力。


    31、我们走得太快,灵魂都跟不上了……


    32、出来混,老婆迟早是要换的!


    33、据统计,大雄在《哆啦A梦》全集中一共被胖虎揍173次,被老师骂60次,被妈妈骂了327次,被狗咬23次,掉进水沟14次,可见我们大雄是多么乐观的活着,我前面的困难算什么,我也一定会坚持下去的……


    34、我把一万句誓言装在机枪里向你扫射,你倒在血泊中,浑身镶满了丘比特的子弹!


    35、同济大学老师:“08级的男同学你们不要着急,你们未来的老婆现在还在中学蹦达着呢……成功人士平均比配偶大12岁,这样算来你们很多人未来的老婆还在小学一年级蹦达着。所以说现在养的那是别人的老婆……”


    36、怀才就像怀孕,时间久了才能让人看出来。


    37、我爱你时,你说什么就是什么。我不爱你时,你说你是什么。


    38、卖花的小姑娘拉着我,说道:大哥哥,买花吧,一看就知道你是花心的人。


    39、这个世界没有上帝。人类一思考,上帝就发笑。思考多了,上帝就笑死了。


    40、男人的事业是建立在女人之上,婚前为了结婚而拼事业,婚后为了勾搭更多的女人再拼事业。


    41、我他妈就是有钱,秃头我也用清扬洗发水!


    42、有钱的人没才;有才的人没钱。经过多年的艰苦奋斗,我在两者之间找到了统一!我既没钱又没才。


    43、我心眼儿有些小,但是不缺;我脾气很好,但不是没有!


    44、原来只要是分开了的人,不论原来多么熟悉,也会慢慢变得疏远。


    45、去披萨店买披萨!服务员问我是要切成8块还是12块?我想了想说:还是8块吧!12块吃不完!


    46、自从我变成了狗屎,就再也没有人踩在我头上了。


    47、提醒大家要学会修自己的笔记本,这是很重要的!从前有个人,他不会修自己的笔记本……后来的事情大家都知道了。


    48、刚毕业后会有期;毕业一年后会有妻;后来后悔有妻;再后来会有后妻;最后悔有后妻。


    49、老子不打你,你不知道我文武双全。


    50、今天你乱棍打不死我xxx(自己的名字),明天想另嫁你闺女难上难!


    51、帝国主义亡我之心不死,中国将成为音乐殖民地……


    52、今晚仰卧,明早起坐,明晚俯卧,后天撑……,锻炼,有时候就是这么简单!


    53、我是颗糖,甜到哀伤……


    54、日落花无颜,闭门夜难眠、待到重阳天,他乡月更圆……


    55、我的爱,在没有铁轨的列车上,流淌……


    56、我费劲千辛爬上梯子的顶端,却发现梯子搭错了墙头……


    57、没什么事就不要找我,有事了更不要找我。


    58、你以为我会眼睁睁地看着你去送死?我会闭上眼睛的。


    59、作为一名烟客,必须具备三个条件:烟、打火机、及抽烟时露出的那种无耻神韵!


    60、一别之后,两心相悬,以为分别三四月,归来却是五六年……


    61、很黑的深夜,我突然想要学习,可是当我找到蜡烛的时候,天已经亮了……


    62、一个人低调一次,是惺惺作态,但低调一辈子,就是志向高洁,不与世俗同流合污……


    63、据说某公司招聘,先把收到的一大堆简历随机扔掉一半,因为他们的招聘理念是“我们不要运气不好的人。”


    64、等中国强大了,全叫老外考中文四六级!文言文太简单,全用毛笔答题,这是便宜他们,惹急了爷,一人一把刀,一个龟壳,刻甲骨文。论文题目就叫论三个代表,听力全用周杰伦的歌,双节棍只听一遍,阅读理解就用周易,口试要求唱京剧,实验就考包饺子!


    65、随你大小便!


    66、我以后生个儿子名字要叫“好帅”,那别人看到我就会说“好帅的爸爸”。


    67、工作,退一步海阔天空,爱情,退一步人去楼空。


    68、工作的最高境界就是看着别人上班,领着别人的工资。


    69、钱不是问题,问题是没钱!


    70、喝醉了我谁也不服,我就扶墙!


    71、我就像一只趴在玻璃上的苍蝇,前途一片光明,但又找不到出路。


    72、大师兄,你知道吗?二师兄的肉现在比师傅的都贵了。


    73、这年头还整天挂QQ的人,除了上班没事做,就是下班没人爱的人……


    74、据说,我出生时,天空的北方,出现祥云一片,渐渐由远至近,飘到我家房顶后,幻化成一个字:帅!


    75、帅有个屁用!到头来还不是被卒吃掉!


    76、从天堂到地狱,我路过人间!


    77、在通往牛逼的路上,我一路狂奔!


    78、我宁空守寂寞三千载立马长啸,不招惹轻浮女子入纱帐一解孤单!


    79、再牛B的肖邦,也弹不出老子的悲伤!


    80、夏天到了,女生可以穿裙子,但不能过膝!


    81、你怎么可能重生呢,如果你不先化为灰烬?


    82、仍然自由自我,永远高唱我歌!


    83、现在的硕士学位,就像脚底的一粒米,不拿不舒服,拿了又不能吃!


    84、一蓑一笠一扁舟,一丈丝纶一寸钩。一曲高歌一樽酒,一人独钓一江秋……


    85、老子不但有车,还是自行的……


    86、看花应不如看叶,绿影扶疏意味长……


    87、如果多吃鱼可以补脑让人变聪明的话,那么你至少得吃一对儿鲸鱼……


    88、水至清则无鱼,人至贱则无敌。


    89、青春就像卫生纸,看着挺多的,用着用着就不够了。


    90、我身边的朋友们啊,你们快点出名吧,这样我的回忆录就可以畅销了。


    91、一女同学黑了些,她男友又太白了些,有天宿舍里得毒舌天后突然对她冒出一句:“你们这样不行,你们会生出斑马来的。”


    92、老娘一向视帅哥与金钱如粪土,而他们也一直是这样看我的。


    93、不要和我比懒,我懒得和你比。


    94、我不是个随便的人我随便起来不是人。 摘自:搞笑语录   www.jia6jia.com


    95、上帝说,要有光,我说我反对,从此世界上有了黑暗。


    96、今天心情不好、我只有四句话想说、包括这句和前面的两句、我的话说完了。


    97、做人就要做一个徘徊在牛A和牛C之间的人。


    98、树不要皮,必死无疑;人不要脸,天下无敌。


    99、农夫三拳有点疼。


    100、其实我一直很受人欢迎的:小时候的我人见人爱,如今的我人贱人爱。


    文章标题:100句恶搞幽默的经典语录

    文章地址:http://www.jia6jia.com/jingdianyulu/175.html 版权所有,转载请注明出处。


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