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  1. 当前位置: 主页 > 经典语录 > 100句诙谐智慧的经典语录

    100句诙谐智慧的经典语录

    时间:2019-07-21 23:11 来源:语录大全 点击:

    1、传统的男人结婚前很清纯,结婚后开始乱搞;现代的男人结婚前乱搞,结婚后变得老实。


    2、男人和老婆的关系再差,他和岳母的关系也是好的;女人和老公的关系再好,她和婆婆的关系也是差的。


    3、男人没赚到钱时女人着急,男人赚到钱时女人后悔。


    4、一脚揣不出你屎来,算你拉的干净!


    5、最丢脸是和几个同学讨论薪水,原以为他们说的是年薪,后来才发现他们说的都是月薪……


    6、不怕美女把我当色狼,就怕丑女把我当流氓。


    7、人不狠,站不稳!人不损,不标准!人不坏,死的快。


    8、你还是让我跪搓板吧,跪电暖气是在受不了啊。


    9、天哪!我的衣服又瘦了。


    10、叶子的离开是因为风的追求还是树的不挽留?


    11、废话是人际关系的第一句。


    12、男人把女朋友托付给自己的哥们照顾,最后女朋友成了哥们的老婆,哥们照当;女人把男朋友托付给姐们照顾,结果姐们成了男朋友的老婆,姐们也当不成了。


    13、我的领带又找不到了,是不是你昨天又没有找到抹布?


    14、参加选美的那些女人,都找不到好男人,因为好男人都结婚了,比如我。


    15、一想到祖国没统一就忍不着想抽烟…


    16、如果我做了皇帝,就封你当太子!


    17、玫瑰真便宜,都可以送老婆了。


    18、只要锄头舞的好,那有墙角挖不倒?


    19、人又不聪敏,还学别人秃顶。


    20、绑不住我的心就不要说我花心。


    21、我就是巴黎欧莱雅,你值得拥有。


    22、如果我能原谅你的庸俗,你能容忍我的装逼吗?


    23、你不是仙人掌,又何必那么坚强。


    24、保护自己,爱护他人,请不要半夜出来吓人。


    25、女人最爱两种花,一是有钱花,二是尽量花。


    26、干掉熊猫,我就是国宝。


    27、别和我谈理想,戒了!


    28、跌倒了,爬起来再哭。


    29、低调才是最牛B的炫耀。


    30、清明节,买朵鲜花,祭奠那死去的爱情。


    31、我曾经跟一个人无数次的擦肩而过,衣服都擦破了,也没擦出火花。


    32、不要同一个傻瓜争辩、否则别人会搞不清到底谁是傻瓜。


    33、脑袋空不要紧、关键是不要进水。


    34、知道你过的不好,我就安心了。


    35、点的是烟,抽的却是寂寞。


    36、不是你不笑,一笑粉就掉。


    37、再完美的身材,在不爱她的人的眼里,也是一种解调侃的作料。


    38、小树不修不成材、小孩不打不成器。


    39、积累久了,可能的导致爆发;而爆发久了,都可能导致崩溃。


    40、对上要恭、对下要威、对同级要含而不露。


    41、再难再苦,就当自己是二百五,再难再险,就当自己是二皮脸。


    42、到了山顶才发现,错误的路和正确的路就差那么几步的距离。


    43、乐观者在灾祸中看到机会,悲观者在机会中看到灾祸。


    44、没有钱,没有权,再不对你好点,你能跟我?


    45、上Google去百度一下。


    46、宁和明白人打一架,不跟SB说句话!


    47、大女人不可一日无权,小女人不可一日无钱!


    48、不是我不笑,一笑粉就掉-_-!


    49、青春献给了房子,中年献给了孩子。


    50、作弊的方式有两种:一种是抄在纸上的小抄,可能被发现,结果是退学;另一种是抄在脑袋里的小抄,不可能被发现,结果是拿到的是奖学金。


    51、小时候,她父母始终相信女大十八变,丑小鸭会变白天鹅!长大后的某天,爸爸很专注地看着她,然后语重心长地说:“孩子,你还是用功读书吧……”


    52、高中时,班主任常开导我说:“美女多如过江之鲫,你现在只需好好织网!”考上清华后我想拿猴皮筋弹他家玻璃…


    53、凡是在食堂、自习室、教学楼前当众疯狂接吻的——都是开不起房的!


    54、毕业后有钱没事做,于是去美国麻省挖石油。后来还真挖到了,而且油质特别好,都不用提纯!两年后美孚石油公司起诉我们,说我们挖了他的石油管道……


    55、毕业后揽一大活儿,完事后能挣三十万,拿图纸一看,盖一40米的烟囱。都盖好了,人家来一看把我狠揍一通!靠,图纸看倒了,人家是让挖一口井……


    56、大学四年没有一个女生问过我路,今天第一次开宝马回母校办点事,结果一会功夫就有五个女生来问路……


    57、我本有心向明月,奈何明月照沟渠。


    58、我是变态人里最正常的,是正常人里最变态的。


    59、空白是白色的吗?


    60、长得丑的女孩子我一般不甩她,但你是个例外。


    61、人生没有彩排,每天都是现场直播。


    62、儿子不听话可以适当的打打,要不就显不出老子的威严,台湾问题就是如此。


    63、没有最贱,只有更贱。


    64、想污染一个地方有两种方法:垃圾,或是钞票!


    65、打死你我也不说。


    66、钱可以解决的问题都不是问题。


    67、念了十几年书,还是幼儿园比较好混!


    68、连广告也信,读书读傻了吧!


    69、再过几十年,我们来相会,送到火葬场,全部烧成灰,你一堆,我一堆,谁也不认识谁,全部送到农村做化肥。


    70、拿份报纸上厕所,俺是读书人。


    71、要我扫地就绝对不刷碗,要我刷碗就绝对不扫地,两样一起做?你当我是外星人啊!


    72、下辈子我还找你,因为除了我,你是最傻的。


    73、争吵的时候,男人和女人的区别像是步枪和机关枪的区别。


    74、爷爷都是从孙子走过来的…


    75、女人拥有无数个QQ号只为了调戏一个男人,男人常用一个QQ号上面加满各种各样的女人…


    76、不怕虎一样的敌人,就怕猪一样的队友!


    77、银行收费时说:“这符合国际惯例。”服务时却说:“要考虑中国国情。”


    78、没什么事不要找我,有事更不用找我。


    79、天使之所以会飞,是因为她们把自己看得很轻…


    80、拥抱真是个奇怪的东西,明明靠的那么近,却看不见彼此的脸。


    81、房价越来越高,所以,好男人越来越少…


    82、怎么给MM过一个难忘的生日?先把她爆揍一顿,然后把广州最贵楼盘的房证送上,保证既难忘又惊喜!


    83、老婆看完几个我在大学交的女友照片后,一个劲地夸我不好色,555……


    84、我花8万买了个西周陶罐,昨儿到《鉴宝》栏目进行鉴定,专家严肃地说:“这哪是西周的?这是上周的!”


    85、最受不了这样的商家——牌子上写道:拆迁,给钱就卖!一件羽绒服我甩给她5块她就是不卖,太欺诈消费者了!


    86、年轻时不懂事,经常拉着mm逛街,结果伤害了不少mm;现在不拉了,没想到又伤害不少…


    87、帅有个屁用!到头来还不是被卒吃掉!


    88、没有人知道刚刚发生了什么,我已经习惯用微笑掩盖一切…


    89、没有女人的日子里,我以调戏男人为乐…


    90、女人会为感情放弃事业,而男人会为了事业放弃感情;女人会被为了感情放弃事业的男人感动,但会留在为了事业放弃感情的男人身边!


    91、女人就像书架上的书,虽然你买了她,但在你买之前她多多少少被几个男人翻过。 摘自:励志语录   www.jia6jia.com


    92、现在看来,智商30就能看懂的电影最受欢迎,而喜欢这些电影的80%又都喜欢看韩剧!


    93、我宁愿你抱着别的女人想我,也不愿你抱着我想别的女人。


    94、QQ上多了,什么企鹅没见过?


    95、下蛋公鸡,公鸡中的战斗鸡。


    96、要么好好活着,要么赶紧去死吧。


    97、男人读到博士是因为智商低,女人读到博士是因为情商低。


    98、烧香的不一定是和尚,还可能是熊猫!


    99、谁说我白,瘦,漂亮~我就跟他做好朋友。

    100、人又不聪明,还学人家秃顶!


    文章标题:100句诙谐智慧的经典语录

    文章地址:http://www.jia6jia.com/jingdianyulu/173.html 版权所有,转载请注明出处。


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