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  1. 当前位置: 主页 > 搞笑语录 > 100句搞笑的经典雷人语录

    100句搞笑的经典雷人语录

    时间:2018-04-25 19:35 来源:语录大全 点击:
    1、从猴子变成人需要成千上万年,从人变回猴子只用一瓶酒。
     
    2、英雄不问出路,流氓不看岁数!
     
    3、睡眠是一门艺术,谁也无法阻挡我追求艺术的脚步!
     
    4、长大了,娶唐僧做老公,能玩就玩一玩,不能玩就把他吃掉。
     
    5、考试考得好,全靠同桌好。
     
    6、分手多没意思,有本事咱俩玩离婚!
     
    7、我是心眼小,但是不缺,我是脾气好,但不是没有!
     
    8、你还是让我跪搓板吧,跪电暖气实在受不了啊!
     
    9、女人一生最喜欢两朵花:一是有钱花,二是尽量花!
     
    10、两只鸳鸯同命鸟,一对蝴蝶可怜虫。
     
    11、明星脱一点就能更出名,我脱的光光的却被抓起来了!
     
    12、暧昧就是我找你借钱,你没说借,也没说不借,而是只说你老公不在家……
     
    13、俗话说:你笑,全世界都跟着你笑;你哭,全世界只有你一个人哭。
     
    14、老子不打你,你就不知道我文武双全。
     
    15、我特别困的时候,道德标准也没有醒,老师们要小心了。
     
    16、笨男人+笨女人=结婚;笨男人+聪明女人=离婚;聪明男人+笨女人=婚外情;聪明男人+聪明女人=浪漫爱情。
     
    17、上帝说要有光,我说我反对,于是,世界上有了黑暗。
     
    18、哥是文明人,所有脏话均已使用唾液消毒。
     
    19、脸乃身外之物,可要可不要,钱乃必要之物,不得不要。
     
    20、地理老师问:四大洋分别是那个?我答:喜羊羊美羊羊懒羊羊沸羊羊
     
    21、好累,想在后脑勺划一刀,然后瘫在地上装储蓄罐。
     
    22、当我看见美女的时候,首先摸摸兜里,看看有没有钱!
     
    23、如果我是一位公主,我会拯救一只青蛙,可我遇到的全是癞蛤蟆。
     
    24、邀请女生出来玩失败有两个原因,一是她懒得洗头,二是你的邀请不值得她洗头。
     
    25、穷耐克,富阿迪,流氓一身阿玛尼。
     
    26、当你穿上了爱情的婚纱,我也披上了和尚的袈裟……
     
    27、我上了床就和野兽一样,具体来说像考拉,一睡就是18个小时。
     
    28、蚊子你有手有脚的,为什么不找份工作正正当当地生活。
     
    29、谁说我白,瘦,漂亮,我就跟他做好朋友。
     
    30、老师说上课不可以吃零食,还好今天我带的是火锅。
     
    31、有人说我不要脸,这简直胡扯,这么帅我哪舍得不要。
     
    32、把屁都存起来,到时候全部捐给那些对我不满的人。
     
    33、这么大冷天里,这么大冷天里,单身狗可能会升级为汪汪碎冰冰。
     
    34、是人都有阴暗面,如果你偏说你很单纯,那我只能说,你不是人!
     
    35、有时候,除了谎言是真的,其它全是假的!
     
    36、鸳鸯戏水,都他妈淹死;比翼双飞,都他妈摔死!
     
    37、身后空无一人,嚣张是我本性。
     
    38、像你这种人,在我导演的连续剧里,我最多能让你活两集。
     
    39、最近比较烦、比较烦烦烦烦!无聊的世界苍天,请赐我一死我睡觉去安静一下!
     
    40、你这么爱说风凉话,莫非你是风油精和清凉油生出来的?
     
    41、又到了这个尴尬的季节,一个穿短袖的和一个穿棉袄的擦肩而过,互相在心底都说了句傻逼。
     
    42、上帝给了我们七情六欲,我们却把它们变成了色情和暴力。
     
    43、那个叫珍妮的女孩我不喜欢,我喜欢那个叫玛尼的!
     
    44、你不拿我当回事,对不起,我也没把你当人看,我告诉你,别把我逼到这份上。
     
    45、天若有情天亦老,动我兄弟全部放倒!
     
    46、别说煽情的话,待会儿酒瓶一砸咱俩各回各家。
     
    47、天上掉钞票我不会弯腰,因为天上连馅饼都不会掉,更别说掉钞票了。
     
    48、锻炼肌肉,防止挨揍!
     
    49、如果回帖是一种美德,那我早就成为圣人了。
     
    50、雷锋做了好事不留名,但是每一件事情都记到日记里面。
     
    51、喝白酒一斤,我绝对没感觉,因为喝半斤就已经喝死了。
     
    52、有时候老天下一场雨,是因为世界需要洗一洗,有时候眼睛下雨了,是因为心需要洗一洗。
     
    53、不是你不滚,是我不够狠。
     
    54、老师本想对同学们说把掌声送给自己,可不小心说成把巴掌送给自己。说完,一同学"啪""啪"就给了自己两耳光。
     
    55、考题再复杂,终究没有我这心情复杂。
     
    56、谁说水火无情,当你快要被口水淹死的时候,你却火了。
     
    57、眉毛上的汗水,眉毛下的泪水,你总得选一样。
     
    58、思想就像内裤,要有,但不能逢人就证明你有。
     
    59、为什么你坐在那儿,看上去就像一个没写地址的信封?
     
    60、人人都说我丑,其实我只是美得不明显。
     
    61、爱情就像个响屁,高调的开始,低调的结束。
     
    62、你就是我心中的那首忐忑,总是让我惊心动魄。
     
    63、您复杂的五官,掩饰不了您朴素的智商。
     
    64、人和猪的区别就是:猪一直是猪,而人有时却不是人!
     
    65、老子下个学期好好学习,虐爆那些名次排在我前面的人。
     
    66、题不一定要会做,但是翻卷声音一定要响。
     
    67、情若能自控,我一定会按捺住我那颗吃货的心。
     
    68、据说这就是吃货狂吃时的状态:嘴里很享受,心里很想瘦。
     
    69、对你这么好,才不是喜欢你,因为前生你可能是我的宠物猪。
     
    70、我妈问我怎么在卫生间那么久不洗澡,我没敢告诉她,我路过镜子时被自己迷住了。
     
    71、我喜欢你就像我喜欢海,可我也不能去跳海,我可以去上海。
     
    72、你总是,间歇性踌躇满志,持续性混吃等死,筹谋一天,躺尸一年。
     
    73、亲爱的,你可得一定要相信我啊,我连坐船都头晕,更何况是脚踏两只船呢。
     
    74、人们喜欢春风,厌恶寒风,其实寒风是无辜的,是温度在使坏!
     
    75、电脑是愤怒者的麦克风,深夜它传播着我们的骂声!
     
    76、不怕路远,就怕志短,不怕缓慢,就怕常站;不怕贫穷,就怕惰懒,不怕对手悍,就怕自己颤。
     
    77、逆风的方向,更适合飞翔。我不怕万人阻挡,只怕自己投降。
     
    78、你想死呢、还是你不想活拉。
     
    79、没有激情,爱就不会燃烧,没有友情,朋就不会满座,没有豪情,志就难于实现,没有心情,事就难于完成。
     
    80、大事坚持原则,小事学会变通。
     
    81、出门在外,老婆有交待,坐车莫坐第一排,菜夹不到站起来,喝酒别把胃喝坏,路边野花不要采,情人莫带屋里来。
     
    82、要说别人脑子有病,脑子有病的前提是必须有个脑子。
     
    83、让女孩变成女人是作为男人最基本的责任和义务。
     
    84、女人无所谓正派,正派是因为受到的引诱不够,男人无所谓忠诚,忠诚是因为背叛的筹码太低。
     
    85、你你你这个小妖精,令我中了你的爱情毒却迟迟不肯给我解药!小坏蛋!哦,我快要不行了!救救我吧!办法很简单:给我你的爱!
     
    86、感觉不到痛苦的爱情不是真正的爱情,感觉不到幸福的婚姻必是悲哀的婚姻。
     
    87、一美女说:第一次牵我手的人是给我看手相的那个先生。
     
    88、枕着打印机睡,就能打印出一整夜的梦吧?
     
    89、系好安全带,前方也许有场爱情正等着你。
     
    90、小明:“爸爸我是不是傻孩子啊?”爸爸:“傻孩子,你怎么会是傻孩子呢?”
     
    91、人生就像一场旅行,在乎的不是目的地。而是沿途的“NB”,以及对付“NB”时的心情!
     
    92、站在岁月的岸边,向自己的过往打个水漂吧……
     
    93、君子报仇,十年不晚,小人报仇,从早到晚。
     
    94、天上终不会掉陷饼,它只会掉陷阱。
     
    95、白色加白色就是黑色,因为双重否定就是肯定。
     
    96、我对你的感情就像雷锋对于穷人的怜悯。
     
    97、其实人活着的时候就是一个躯壳,死了就变成一堆骨灰。
     
    98、我对你的心,比钻石还坚硬。不会是心结石吧?
     
    99、你发神经的时候,就像猪上树一样让人吃惊。
     
    100、一般般的我,一般般的亮。一般般的你,我看不上!

    文章标题:100句搞笑的经典雷人语录

    文章地址:http://www.jia6jia.com/gaoxiaoyulu/10008.html 版权所有,转载请注明出处。


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